Books of Blood

(V1.)
If I played the piano I'd be the Phantom of the opera,
Drop a tab, a vat of acid, burn half of my face off/
If I lived in London I'd be known as Jack the Ripper,
Skinning living hoes to death & hacking up the strippers/
If I was a doctor I would drink like I was Jekyll,
turn to Mr.Hyde and leave you're insides specked/
On the walls, I be the evil double feature with the hack & gloom,
If I was a swimmer turn to Creature from the black lagoon/
Electrocute my neck bolts I'm Frankenstein's monster,
The first skateboarding zombie to go pro & get sponsored/
Grow my fro and roll like Blackula,
No winged rat who sucks blood so I be like muthafuck Dracula/
Attacking every full moon, inhuman now I'm Wolfman,
But I always wake up nude holding on my tool, damn!/
Wrapped like a Mummy & unwind in my sarcophagus,
Drop me in a coffin when I'm done being Kevin Theodoropolus/
Topple this dirt on my skeletal omnibus,
Making bones until I'm bones burnt under the Necropolis/
If I was a shark I'd snack like Jaws and eat your boat up,
Retarded Hunchback? I'd ring the bells like Quasimodo/
You're taking your blouse off I see convincible cans,
Because I snuck inside your house like the Invisible man/
Invasion of the body snatcher, Murders in the rue morgue,
The thing that couldn't die, Dead Alive, a living true horror/

(Chorus)
Cool n' groovy, got your toilet full of Ghoulies,
FBI coming cus I'm dubbing scary movies/
Truly spooky like a loony in the boonies,
Blood Sucking Freak turning humans into smoothies/
Boogie Man duties, making ruby out of beauties,
Writing scriptures in crimson with women who were floozies/
Your face in the mud, while I'm puffing on the Lucys,
Another page from my Books of Blood, smothering the groupies/

(V2.)
Swilling moonshine stills with the zombie rednecks,
If I was pissing on your priest you'd call me Rawhead Rex/
If I was the collector, I'd have that bone cell smell,
If I ran a murder business it'd be Motel Hell/
With the human beef jerky that you be buying for dirt cheap,
I turn to Jason Voorhees every Friday the 13th/
If I was Ezra Cobb I'd drop your cock in a blender,
If I lived in New Jersey, I'd be the Toxic Avenger/
If I lived in New York, then you would call me Frank Zito,
Put your scalp upon a mannequin that's wearing a tuxedo/
If I lived in Los Angeles, I'd be sick and scandalous,
Carve a pentagram in my hand like Richard Ramirez/
Catch me in the New Orleans swamp with a hatchet face,
A parasitic twin that you can stick inside your Basket case/
If I was the Hitcher, kill and move on to another place,
Hit you with the chainsaw, so you can call me Leatherface/

(Chorus)
Cool n' groovy, got your toilet full of Ghoulies,
FBI coming cus I'm dubbing scary movies/
Truly spooky like a loony in the boonies,
Blood Sucking Freak turning humans into smoothies/
Boogie Man duties, making ruby out of beauties,
Writing scriptures in crimson with women who were floozies/
Your face in the mud, while I'm puffing on the Lucys,
Another page from my Books of Blood, smothering the groupies/

(V3.)
If I was a cop I'd be like Matt Cordell,
A maniac & beat you with my billy bat so well/
If you're in the shower all the power to this psycho,
If it's Halloween I change my first name to Michael/
Ride a motorcycle with the Chopper chicks from Zombie Town,
If I was Charlie Fletcher I would go and track my body down/
Play my VHS tape I haunt you like the Ring,
If I was in Antarctic I would turn into the Thing/
If I ran a whore house it'd be Bordello of Blood,
If I was roaming in the sewers I'd be known as Bud the C.H.U.D./
If I was a geek I'd seek intestines at Comic Con,
If I was Ash I'd write my raps down inside the Necronomicon/
If I was Jobe I'd end your life in a computer,
Switch from graveyard to day shift & I'm still the Intruder/
If my name was Freddy Kruegar I would do you in the furnace
If I was the Book of Blood then you could read my epidermis/

(Chorus)
Cool n' groovy, got your toilet full of Ghoulies,
FBI coming cus I'm dubbing scary movies/
Truly spooky like a loony in the boonies,
Blood Sucking Freak turning humans into smoothies/
Boogie Man duties, making ruby out of beauties,
Writing scriptures in crimson with women who were floozies/
Your face in the mud, while I'm puffing on the Lucys,
Another page from my Books of Blood, smothering the groupies/